Remember when I wrote about Victory hangovers referencing Kasia Urbaniak’s book Unbound? Well, in that same book inviting women to step out of their conditioning and into their full power, Kasia encourages us to always, daily, celebrate our wins. This little post is me doing exactly that…
I am laying in bed creating this video because that is my current office as I try to get the spasming muscles in my back and torso to “calm their fa(r)m” (as the Aussies would say). But, I feel proud of myself for the choice to cancel my birthday trip to South Africa.
As a lifelong perfectionist and recovering workaholic, I, for some reason, can never seem to work out my own limits without my body shutting me down. I carry on and carry on, all the while thinking, “Wow, I’m doing amazing! I’ve really been managing a lot without getting sick or collapsing.”
I think I need to start recognizing that, if I’m having that thought, I’m likely on the verge of getting sick or collapsing. 😂🤪 Oh god. I never had a sponsor when I did the 12 Steps of Workaholics Anonymous, but if I had had one, I think they’d be both shaking their head and patting me on the back right now. “Good job,” they’d say, “you stopped. Now let’s try to find the pace that keeps your body from forcing that halt…and maintain it.”
As with most addicts, I am pretty good at boughts of sobriety. I can quit work cold turkey, no problem. I can also put my head down and go like stink delivering output on a pseudo-human level. But, historically, I have not been able to maintain a healthy balance between work aversion/avoidance and over-working.
The past few years since doing the twelve steps, I have struck the balance between productivity and rest quite handsomely. But, I still catch myself back-sliding all the time. I guess, once an addict, always an addict. Still, I see improvement in leaps and bounds everyday. Cancelling this trip, spending the weekend in bed, and working from bed as much as possible this week is one of those bounds. I didn’t shut down and disappear, nor did I force myself to go to South Africa at any cost.
Good job, me! ☺️☺️
May this post stand as permission for anyone out there who needs to do the same…put down the commitment, obligation, expectation or responsibility that is literally going to tank you. It’s not worth it. You’re allowed to be frail sometimes, limited and human. We all are. And, you’ll see, there are always unexpected blessings for not just you, but those you think you’re letting down, on the other side of ‘no’.
